For some, coming to the decision to divorce can take years. For others there is a breaking point, a sudden realization that divorce is the solution to their marital problems. One thing most have in common is that the decision to divorce is accompanied by emotional stress, intense marital problems, and self-doubt.
One of the most important decisions you make is whether or not to continue in your marriage. It's a decision that should be made sensibly and rationally. It is my hope that the following questions allow you to do that, and come to terms with which path you should take with a clear head and unclouded judgments.
A disparity in core values and beliefs is a red flag that shouldn't be ignored. If you want children and your spouse doesn't or, your religion is important to you but not your spouse, is it truly possible to have a marriage that affords you the feelings I spoke of above?
Is meeting your spouse's needs making you happy or do you feel resentment toward him/her? Spending years trying to meet the needs of someone whose values and beliefs are different from your own can be taxing. Don't ignore feelings of resentment you are harboring. We all have a right to "needs" and having them met. The problem arises when the person we expect to meet our needs resents doing so.
Resentment grows when we have to put ourselves out for someone and it can grow when someone refuses to put themselves out for us. It isn't your spouse's job to make you happy but it is reasonable for you to expect him/her to show concern for your needs and attempt to meet those needs. If this is not happening, it's impossible to experience feelings of emotional security, intimacy, love, and other feelings needed for a marriage to flourish.
Feelings of love and passion ebb and flow, they come and go. That is natural in any marriage. The problem comes when they change and don't return. Over time it is possible to fall out of love with someone. Love can be replaced by feelings of friendship, habit, or resentment.
If you can say you no longer like your spouse's personality or admire who they are as an individual and haven't for a long time, it is time to make serious changes in the relationship or throw in the towel altogether.
Have you remained in your marriage because you are afraid to leave? Do you worry about what it will mean for you financially if you leave? Are you staying together for the sake of the children? Are there religious and cultural reasons you have chosen to stay in your marriage?
The purpose of marriage should be to have your emotional needs met so you can, in return, share love, intimacy, and passion with your spouse. Only you know based on your answers to the questions above whether or not your marriage is one that fulfills you or is one of convenience and perhaps even a prison of sorts.
We all want to be satisfied with our choices, especially where marriage is concerned. The higher your level of satisfaction in your marriage and relationship with your spouse, the more likely you are to succeed. The lower the level of satisfaction, the more likely your marriage is to succumb to divorce.
Only you know where you and your marriage stand.
If you are at the end of your marriage, do not try to take this path alone. Call the family law attorneys at B & B Law Group. Get a tough, compassionate advocate in your corner.